Sometimes it seems like I stop, and yet the world continues to swirl past me. As I struggle to catch up, life gets put back in perspective.
What is truly important? Where are my priorities? How much can I handle? Where does God fit in?
All these questions have confronted me in the wake of a frankly tumultuous month.
My grandma passed away March 6th, marking the first time death has struck my family, and rudely interrupting our lives. How odd it has been to be forced into mourning so unexpectedly.
Now only three weeks later, I hear her voice a lot. We had grown to be very close over the last year and I cherish every moment I spent with her. I relive moments where we would laugh together about a joke on the end of my popsicle stick, where we would make cards together, where she would tell me about her updates to my farmville account, where she would pull out fresh cinammon rolls for me to eat, where she would listen to my stories, give me advice, keep me updated on politics, share with me about her devotion....
Every time I go to visit my grandpa, I imagine she opens the door and invites me in.
I miss her. I can't wait to see her again.
And, though much more trivial a loss, it still is dear to my heart and painfully hits me when I come home now, we also had to put Da Wuff down. After having her for 9 years, I remember picking her up from the shelter and bringing her home. Even though we have two dogs still, she was the one that I myself had picked as our first real pet. How peculiar to be so attached to a dog, and then for her to be gone. I wish she was here curled up on my bed with me.
Death is a curious thing. In the stage that I'm currently in, I strive to make the best out of every moment that I'm in. Ironically, that doesn't always mean making people laugh or saying the most encouraging thing ever. At times it means being bold, upfront, and sometimes vulnerable or even weak. I've come to see that it means living honestly, living rightly...to quote Micah, it's "to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with [my] God."
How hard a path to travel, and yet so freeing and rewarding, with the promise of eternity in view.