As in, why me? Why should everything work out for me when a lot of people around me continue to suffer rough things and life seems to throw curveballs at them every day? It’s almost like everything that I get worried about works out within a week, often times within a couple days. Why does that happen for me? I certainly don’t deserve it – I’m no better than you at maintaining my relationship with the Lord. I’m the one who wakes up in the morning, intending to do my devotions, but…man…if I could just sleep 5 more minutes…God will understand. After that process repeats a few times, my devotion time is lost and I’m rushing off to my busy schedule. Why would God put up with that and still continue to work things out for me? Sure, I love Him and I serve Him and I’m a Christian, saved. But come on, doesn’t God have feelings too? Does He get upset that I sleep instead of read His Word? Does He get offended when I choose to watch a movie even though I haven’t prayed? It’s almost like I expect God to punish me, to put distance between me and Him because I haven’t been a good Christian girl. In all honesty, I expect God to treat me like a friend would. If I don’t invest in Him, He won’t invest in me. Now, regardless of whether or not that’s how friends should act is a different story. But if that’s how God treated me, I would get it, I’d totally understand. So why isn’t God like that? You’d think after some time passes of me not spending time with Him, He would “give me space” or something. But…nope. He’s always looking out for me and working things out. Mind you, I’m certainly not complaining that God doesn’t treat me that way, but just wondering, how in the world does He not?
This question has been circulating in my mind consistently for maybe two weeks now. I’ve been getting better at doing devotions – try accountability partners if you’re having a hard time. When someone asks you every day if you’ve read, it puts the pressure on. I love it. :)
But God’s been showing me that He’s on my side. He loves me so much. Why? He created me! How can He NOT love me? It’s like when my dog Savannah chews up my third pair of headphones and I get so mad! How could she chew up another pair of MY headphones?! But….she’s so cute, and she just…nuzzles her head into my lap, longing to be loved. How precious. God loves to do that to me. Not the getting mad part – I’m not sure how He initially responds when I snooze away my morning devo, but I do know that He just wants me to sit in His presence, and in essence, nuzzle my head into His lap just to spend time with Him and to love on Him, just like Savannah does me.
Last year we had a guest speaker, Brennan Manning, come to school for a week-long chapel series. An incredible man of God, Brennan Manning explained the simplest, but most profound thing that has taken me this long to just mull over: God loves me as I am, not as I should be.
What does that mean? God’s love is unconditional. He sees me through the blood of Jesus Christ, who sanctifies me, makes me holy, and provides a way for me to relate directly with God Himself.
For that simple reason alone, God chooses to bless me, to pour out His Spirit on me, to fill me with joy, to work things out for me. I’d be a fool to not invest my time in Him because He clearly can satisfy me and cause me to be content. Where else should I be but in Him? He loves me as I am, not as I should be.